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| on vacation with the family and i can now say i've been to the east coast. it's much prettier than i anticipated, i expected all cities and hustle and bustle, but there's actually a lot of trees and mountainous areas in the north east. i've learned a lot about where i came from and gained perspective on the emotions that many felt as our country was formed and have found it all very interesting. some points of view aren't all that glamorous and aren't included in the movies and stories we get today. this part of the world has different tastes, sounds, sights, and smells. inspite of these differences it is the same as any other part. there are local icons that people worship, plenty of money and fame to chase after, all the same vices that satan uses everywhere else. the one that is used maybe to a different degree is business and pace; the big cities here and everywhere are constantly going and at an incredible speed. the country keeps most people busy, but it seems slower; more relaxed. this vacation has been a great experience and i enjoy new places and things, but in the end these places point me toward home. | | |
| being 24 and living at home is a humbling experience. i never had a real clear picture of what life would look like at this age while i was younger; but i definitely didn't think it would include living at home and exclude a job outside the family farm. the movie 'failure to launch' is always in the back of my mind. but aside from the anxiety of trying to figure out career paths and all that, this summer has started out really well. returning to the country has served well in providing the opportunity for thought and meditation. being home has now, in a somewhat anxious transition period, has caused me to appreciate nature and small communities more than ever. i always liked being outside, i always liked the small town; but until i now, i didn't completely realize the value of stillness and peace. cities have their perks, i enjoyed the convenience of fast food and entertainment close by, but i will gladly trade those in for a few acres away from business; a place where i can look in the heart of creation and keep perspective of what is important. i don't know by what means i will support a family just yet, that will be provided; but i do know that someday i want a home in the country, a big green yards for kids to run around and get messy in, and a life that is simple and shared with others. | | |
| i look on you blankly now magic and mystery no longer hidden behind your face your mask is full of beauty but incapable of saving me from this fading place all wonder has been stolen the thief; reality, took it without caring without regard for the effects of his crime he took possibility & hope, leaving certainty & sadness staring this is something i wrote not long ago while i was looking at a beautiful night sky. that setting doesn't have the same affect on me as it used to, knowledge changes people. before you learn the science of stars and space, before you are taught the laws of gravity, and told what can and cannot happen within our human limits, there are endless possibilities. the night sky represented this to me, a place i didn't understand that could contain new experiences, it was a place the sparked my imagination to new heights. somewhere along the way, reality gave way. i accepted the fact that tomorrow wouldn't bring a magic carpet ride or an introduction to a mystical creature. somewhere along the way, i gave up on life being an adventure. now, at the end of the day, after i have gone through my normal motions and essentially repeated my actions from the day before that and the day before that, i look up at the stars, and am reminded that this is all i have to look forward to during my time on earth. we live in a place of limits and it's no place for the dreamer. | | |
| having just watched the movie enchanted, i'm reminded of how enjoyable it was to believe in the fantastic. there is a time in most all people's lives that eagerly anticipate the day they can play professional sports for their favorite team, marry the person of their dreams, or invent something that would change the course of history. unfortunately this time is normally between birth and 8 years old and is rarely seen in years following. eventually reality drives any idealistic thought into the deep recesses of our minds. some if not most people choose to keep these types of feelings hidden safely and securely out of reach to avoid pain and disappointment. i think idealism is believing in an outcome with such certainty that "ifs" never enter our minds. i remember knowing what my adult life would look like in fifth grade, no "what if" scenarios passed through my head, i was confident that the dream i had in my mind would be real someday, exactly the way i envisioned it, with no imperfections. i enjoyed that time; life without worries was pretty nice, but idealism unfortunately is dangerous in our world of selfishness and convenience. if you invest all of your emotion and resources in every dream you have, you will get burned. a sad and frustrating fact. does that mean that dreams shouldn't be invested in? no, i believe that hope is a necessary element to living happily and it should be directed towards our future. expecting a fairytale without considering what could go wrong is foolish, but recognizing the potential consequences and hoping that a fairytale could happen could lead to a happy ending. it might not. but at least there's hope. | | |
| in reference to the last post, one of my friends made a good point that it can be beneficial for those around us if we show up to devotionals or other spiritual activities. there are certain people in my life who encourage me just by their presence and worshipping alongside them is all the more encouraging. this is definitely something that should be considered for those that don't show up to stuff. moving on, i'm continuing to be shown how important it is to have priorities in order. i've known what the priority list is supposed to look like for pretty much my whole life, but i've rarely lived it out. there is a definite correlation between what you put into something and the amount of emotional attachment you have to it, whether it is a sport, a test, a relationship, or whatever. if i spend 10 hours studying for a test, it will be much more disappointing if i fail it, or much more rewarding if i ace it, than if i didn't study or studied very little for it. it's the same in every other area. on paper, my priorities have always been God, family and friends, then sports, but my life has generally been close to the opposite. i've spent a great deal of my life preparing myself for sports or learning about sports. unfortunately the amount of time, money, and energy invested in sports rivals if not betters the amounts that i have invested in family, friends, and God. my whole life i've asked God to draw me closer to Him and to my friends and to my family, but i've failed to truly invest my life into God and His people. i expected Him to do all the work, i wanted things to just work out, i wanted my heart to change without having to do any work. i want to make that investment from now on and in that investment find what it is to truly love God and to truly love people and really care about others more than i do myself. the times i've had my priorities in order i've found peace and when i step back at my life right now, i realize the real reason i get so stressed is because i've been living out my priority list upside down. lists are good, plans are good, having the right intentions are good, but it's time to act and it's time to live with Christ-like love and allow that to prioritize my life. | | |
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